Wednesday, November 29, 2006

must not exceed 150 words

In response to a question involving the earliest memory of getting up early to watch a cartoon, and to specify that cartoon....

Well I'd like to say six am for the Ninja Turtles, but in truth Captain Planet was on at five. I'm sure its b/c it was so good, they wanted to weed out anyone not worthy of watching it's awesomeness. There was also a time of getting up a six to watch Beast high school. I did it for a boy.

the effects of sue grafton, the thesaurus, and a gas station encounter

Several hours ago, we had purchased a tallboy of Red Dog and a Mickey's 40 at the Giant, regaling the attendant with our tales of prior beer denial. He responded at some point, in a muted tone, 'people always say im hyper. imagine if i did drugs. thats why i dont do drugs i dont need them. isnt that right.' he turned to his coworker. 'what if i did drugs.' he monotoned, updating her as to our conversation thus far. 'oh yeah.' she said. His lack of affect made his assertion of hyperactivity laughable, but not until we were in the truck, once our amusement would be indiscernable to his enlivened, drug free ears. Not to imply he was without merit- his laidback attitude was more of an attribute, as he did not even change his intonation as we paid with a sandwich bag of change, with only four pennies left to spare.

a lesson not yet learned

History repeats itself. the past is such called because it is gone, left behind. but past is also future. there are movies and fantasies in which a person can see the future before it happens, the forthcoming actions predestined and only through insight can they be altered. i see the future and seek insight. I covet. as if through control i could learn. i get half stories, a special truth created just for me. i percieve deception, and decieve in return, to get a 3/4 picture, clouded by my imagination, searching desperately for something that will tell me something. i see the future and present, but through the veil of combined distortion. i dig and scream and hide and glare and smile and it leads me nowhere but my quest is for the insight to change what i pray is not the inevitable. i do not understand how you do not understand why i need to understand. you do not understand that i dont understand. i do not understand how im supposed to continue this way. if this is condemmed to repitition, i long to dial back and change the past.

no good not so bad

Hmmm. I woke up, felt bad. felt bad about feeling bad. cheered up, felt bad again. day went on. got called on feeling bad/getting mad. said im always mad. oh yeah, said he, haha. sloppy lazy digging myself a hole. too tired to climb. seaching apathetically for motivation, wishing to get hit by lightning. at least i have redbull. sugar free.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

First Thought

Argh. I wonder if i can just sleep for the next 3 days.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Cabin Fever

3 days in and I am freaking restless. I'm not supposed to drive on painkillers, and I keep feeling worse anyway. What I really want is to go for a walk, so maybe when B. gets home he will go w. me. I also want to stop eating so much damn ice cream. I am actually sick of it. I can see why people who have ocd or some other reason to stay home all day get so paranoid. Because I seem to be 'having trust issues' right now (and have also had to watch Elder, hence the introspection maybe?) Like to the point where I feel shaky and sick to my stomach. But that might just be from staying home and taking painkillers for 2 1/2 days. But i cant shake the feeling that a certain relationship is picking up where it left off, only sneakier and more gaurded. B/c B. tells me he hasn't been talking to H. but i know thats not true. he says he wont call her back, but her means he wont call her with me there. Ive gone into psycho mode, and I hate myself for it, and always looked down at these other crazy chicks whose ranks ive joined. but b4 i always had trust, and now i dont. and i feel so manipulated. and now i dont know what to think b/c B. went out of town last nite, 4 perfectly legitimate business reasons, i know, but he didnt want me 2 go. maybe its b/c im here all puffy and out of it, ill buy that, but i do know that H. was in the same city. were they together? it sucks b/c i really have no way to find out. I want to bring it all out in the open, scream my head off, find out wtf is going on. but i keep thinking maybe its better to wait and watch for now....?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Sad but True

It is one thing to want someone out of your life, it is another thing to serve them a wake up cup full of liquid drano -Heathers

Test of the Emergency Broadcast System

Testing testing 12 syphillis syphillis