a lesson not yet learned

History repeats itself. the past is such called because it is gone, left behind. but past is also future. there are movies and fantasies in which a person can see the future before it happens, the forthcoming actions predestined and only through insight can they be altered. i see the future and seek insight. I covet. as if through control i could learn. i get half stories, a special truth created just for me. i percieve deception, and decieve in return, to get a 3/4 picture, clouded by my imagination, searching desperately for something that will tell me something. i see the future and present, but through the veil of combined distortion. i dig and scream and hide and glare and smile and it leads me nowhere but my quest is for the insight to change what i pray is not the inevitable. i do not understand how you do not understand why i need to understand. you do not understand that i dont understand. i do not understand how im supposed to continue this way. if this is condemmed to repitition, i long to dial back and change the past.